DIARY OF A YAHOO BOY 📕📗📘

Lately the word hustle is now part of our daily lives. In fact, hustle has almost replaced the word ‘hard work’, but the irony is that, you can hustle like a truck pusher and still be as poor as ever….

Now everyone is on the fast lane, trying to make that kind of money that won’t finish, but with the economy of Nigeria today, every one is broke except the yahoo boys or so they make us believe… But trust me some yahoo boys have it just as bad as everyone else, but the qualities they possess leave us all blinded… Those boys make it ‘look like’ they operate in a different economy.
They oppress common folks at every chance they get, but trust me the grass isn’t really as green as it seems…

So, how do they make it look like they live a perfect yahoo boy life? Now here are some few clues to help you spot them or better still act like them…

Being an original Yahoo Boy takes a lot of work, but to make it easy, I have made a list of what sets you apart from an ordinary hustler. You can finally be on your way to actualizing your One Million dollar 💵 dream.

The following are some of the popular qualities possessed by a yahoo boy…‎

•A yahoo boy belongs to a clique: this is easy, because you need someone to teach you the basics, someone to give you the necessary starter pack kit, sometimes you need more than two people, but the thing is: such cliques don’t last, because once you ‘collect’ you usually will just branch out…

•You always find them with expensive and latest gadgets like iPhones, Mac book, laptops, wireless browsers etc…. Well, as a yahoo boy, your laptop is your office, your iPhone is your secretary and personal assistant…‎ It’s the simple logic❗Even if Samsung makes an Android phone that takes clearer pictures from 20 kilometres away, please understand you’re not allowed to use another type of phone. It must be an iPhone ❗❗❗And of course, you need an unlimited access to the Internet… It’s like blood to your veins you literally can’t exist without the Internet.

•They like dressing conspicuously. Mighty gold 🪙 chains around their neck with wrist like that of a dog… Wait a minute, God forbid that you are a yahoo boy and you do not have a gold chain!!! As in, what is a yahoo boy without a gold chain really ❓❓❓ Usually, the first and second money a yahoo boy receives from a client goes into getting an iPhone and gold chain before anything else❗A gold chain is a major key and it is also a bail out when they go broke! Usually, that’s the first thing they sell when they go broke… Other dressing style includes big shoes, clothes, snapback, and more (did you know that an average yahoo boy wears fake designer clothes?)…

•They never live alone. Have you ever gone into an apartment and see about 5 to 10 guys, usually shirtless with laptops all over❓Maybe with a girl or two present, with food and take away packs all over? Exactly❗❗❗ you are in the yahoo boys den❗ What kind of yahoo boy will you be if you lived alone❓ Being a yahoo boy comes with a lifestyle and living with a group of hustling boys like yourself is a major key on the list…

•A yahoo boy thinks popping bottles in Quilox, The Bank, Moscow Underground or Club Houses makes you a big boy…highest and big money spender…ultimate ballers… Every yahoo boy lives for the day, the lights in a club house goes off and the hype man starts screaming their names… They treasure it more than 20 Christmas celebrations put together. Now let me explain: There’s a difference between opening a bottle of champagne and popping as a yahoo boy. First, if it’s in the club, you must order enough for the lights to go off. As the hype man starts shouting your name, you take the bottle and pop it on anybody on sight. Yes, I know half of the bottle will spill all over the floor but you must not let anybody know you’re not happy about it. Smile like a happy rich man and pop as many bottles for as long as you can… After this happens, it doesn’t matter if a yahoo boy doesn’t eat for one week straight due to brokenness, so long as he has been initiated into the ‘undertaker’s theme song popping bottles style’ he’s satisfied for life…

•They like flashy cars, and usually start with a toyota camry. That is usually the starting point for most yahoo guys except the really lucky ones from the beginning, and then they progress into higher grade of cars. A typical yahoo boy can have 5 million today and buy a car worth 4.9 million that same today. They almost don’t care about the future cos they are usually so optimitic that maga will surely pay… Another thing is, some particular cars are peculiar to yahoo boys and as a yahoo boy you must not buy any other car outside these cars; a toyota camry 2.4, a venza, Lexus, a Honda crosstour, an Acura zdx, and when you hit it big, a range-rover and the baba of them all, a black Benz❗❗❗ It will take months of sleepless nights, bank visits and self motivation before your hustle can reach the level of Black Mercedes… Drive it everywhere. Your feet must never touch the pavement again. Even when you want to get something by the roadside, just park beside them and press the horn. They will understand.

•You can find a yahoo boy on all the social media platforms like Snapchat, instagram etc… Now let’s focus on Instagram. They post to show off their wears, stack of cash and in some occasion, foreign currencies. They literally live a bragging lifestyle. Well, it comes with being a yahoo boy and even if it’s really not your thing to show off, you pratically have to learn it. It must be a part of you. Once you finally get a car, it goes first on your instagram with the caption ‘new whip or new toy or new baby’ and you must write it with the attitude that more is coming, that this is only but the beginning and if need be, you must buy followers on Instagram. Afterall you are used to the fraudulent lifestyle… Now to snapchat, infact snapchat is a quicker way to show off in real time, they snapchat weed, their hotel rooms, their shoes and gold chains, food, size of TV infact the list is endless.

•A typical yahoo boy attracts a lot of girls… Some girls actually hunt for yahoo boys for some weird reasons, maybe because they think they are fast money makers or quick spenders… An average yahoo boy thinks he can get any girl he wants because their lives has been elevated and girls are drawn to elevation. Most yahoo boys are potential fuck boys and they don’t value ladies because they lie to get their money from their old female clients. So lying is literally their profession and they see every girl as a gold digger…

•They like travelling to specific locations within Nigeria such as Benin city, Asaba, Warri, Abuja, Lagos (Ajah precisely) and then aim to travel outside the country to specific yahoo boys locations as well, like Kenya, Malaysia, Turkey, India, Dubai, SA and very recently Ghana.

•They always like coming home during December to spend all the money they have gathered since January, and before they even say hi, they’ll say ‘I just got back’ aka the IJGB association…

•Last and not the least, a yahoo boy lives on Hope… Always Hopeful. They are so confident that maga will pay and hence they are always broke… They are ready to spend their last 5 naira because of this thing called ‘hope’ and during their broke state… They still update their social media with ‘money in minutes’, money must be made, sleep is for the weak, the street is like electric, anybody can shock you, life of a hustler, update etc…

So next time you see a yahoo boy, act like you know them, because after reading all that, you actually do.